I'm on top of the world!

It's more complicated than ever, but never felt better.

Are you wondering why this sudden rush of posts flowing through here? Well, I'm sick, in bed, without anything occupying my mind. I'm not sick sick. Just slight pain in the throat. Haven't had a smoke since last night and don't feel the need for one. Feel like having chicken soup with sweet corn. Will make it myself in a while. There is a variety of wine in the house - ruby vixen, pinot grigio, and riesling. What do you think goes best with antibiotics?

In case you were wondering, I wasn't that drunk in that post. I just had a pint of beer, and a shot of Jim Beam. The party was fun. Some of the kids going with me to Croatia were also there. We were talking about apartments and all that. I'm planning to start a new blog for Croatia - lets see.

Btw, this girl I met on my way to Delhi in December said something that's been haunting me since. So she was the daughter of an American diplomat who has lived all over the world and is now studying in America while her family is in Delhi. She was telling me about how she feels like an outsider in America because even though she looks American, she has been brought up in different cultures and places, and finds it hard to adjust in America. When I asked her about where she believes her home to be, she said home is wherever I've lived in the past two years. At present, she said, home was Germany, where she had lived for two years before her family moved to India. A simple and practical definition of home - defined by a young woman who has dealt with a nomadic lifestyle all her life. I thought it was an interesting way to look at it, yet didn't think it would apply to me. 

Now, as I come closer to completing two years in America, I feel a mix of relief, and sorrow. Relief because I feel more at ease here, which also makes me feel guilty. All this while I have been resisting the culture, language, people, lifestyle, etc. Over the last few days, it seems like I've changed so much. I'm finally okay here. I feel sad because I seem to have accepted this place as my home. My fear is (I don't even want to say it out loud - don't freak out sis) that I might not want to go back. That I might not like it there. That I will always miss this. But I guess I'll feel all of this for two years, according to that girl's rule, and then I'll feel at home in Delhi again :)

The film that I just finished - that's all about the experience of being away from home, and nostalgia, and uncertainty about the future. And I told myself that through the process of making this film, I should get over this and move on. You know, like give myself a new identity. There is obviously so much more to me than my nostalgia for home. I think that somehow this came true. It feels like it was through the film that I have begun to be more comfortable with my surroundings. As I edited it, over several weeks, I began to see myself through the three characters' eyes. This film has become an acknowledgment of my painful experience, and suddenly I don't feel defensive anymore. I guess that is a good thing, isn't it?

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I thought it was a curious coincidence watching 'Delhi-6' and 'Jodhaa Akbar' back to back last night. Both are about fundamentally the same thing - religious suspicions leading to intolerance, and the struggles of one man whose radical vision of a peaceful coexistence gets him into lots of trouble. In the end, they obviously win in their immediate environments/time periods, and make us forget about the bigger picture. 

I enjoyed both the films, though I think I liked 'Jodhaa Akbar' better. Maybe that's because of my ignorance of the history of the Mughal dynasty in India. I remember there were many controversies related to this film, but personally I couldn't care less. Also, the film starts with a disclaimer saying this is just one version of history. My preference for this film could also be because I was in the mood for a perfect love story. I liked the sub-plot of Jodhaa's warrior cousin, and their relationship. After a long time, or maybe for the first time, I liked Hrithik Roshan and didn't skip over the fight scenes involving him (when he is bare-chested, and also with the cool frock-like costume). It is terribly long, and I still got a feeling that a lot had been left out from the story. The songs I did skip over, except my favorite "Khwaaja".

'Delhi-6' was okay. I can't really say actually. I keep imagining what it would be like if I saw it in a theatre (I obviously watch it online) - if it would be better or worse. It was good and bad to see Delhi - old Delhi - a part of Delhi that I don't frequent but had been there on my last trip in December. One thing that did strike a chord was the dream sequence when Chandni chowk comes alive in Times Square. It was surreal. Rickshaws on the street, with street food vendors, and a cow giving birth on the crowded pavement. Anyway, so the business with the kaala bandar seemed quite unnecessary until the very end. It seems like they didn't have anything else to keep the story alive, so they kept going back to the monkey man. I love the music. Overall, I think it was a disappointment coming after Mehra's 'Rang De Basanti', which had many layers, and strong characters. 

I still haven't seen Dev D. The print online is horrible - I can hear people talking and laughing in the theatre even before the credits begin. Billu was horrible. Horrible. Really horrible. Don't even think about watching it. I hate Shahrukh Khan more than ever. It's very much like Himesh Reshamiya's film where he is supposed to be a huge star. I hate actors playing characters that are even bigger than themselves - feels like they are trying to propagate a fake rock star image of themselves through the film. How can they agree to do something like this?

Anyway, so here is my latest obsession...

time for a drunken post.

just cam e back from a party celebratig my frins 21 birthdays, i have decide to ignore the typos here. in care u didnt notice. its fu to let go once in a wbile right? so i had an even t ful day today. 

submited m t film todau. if u wamt to waycj i ts going to be screened on monday night around 8pm. 

i shoud sleep . i have to write a 4 page assignment an submit it b  y noon tmorrow. hope u guys are all happy. peace.

p.s. it is snowing here, i wish i was back home.

Just because I am up till 4:23 AM, I decided to let you in on my happening life.

Well, if you ask me, I am substantially happy these days.

Don't know what caused it.

Definitely my film has a lot to do with it. 

You know, I have realized that my true happiness - the kind where I really jump with real, tangible joy - is work related. Maybe that has to do with having a workaholic father. Or a mother who believes in 'karma is dharma' or something like that. Or a sister who wants to do it all, and never gives up.

About my mother, maybe I didn't say it right, but come to think of it, she shows her faith in her god by doing work, like actual physical work, in the religious organization that she is involved with. 

Doesn't it seem strange to see me write like this - like all thoughtful and reflective? Well, that's been a recent attempt of mine to go back to my roots, by which I simply mean spending more time thinking and wondering about the meaning of life and everything around me, like I used to when I was younger. I was a gem when I was young. I really was. And I knew it. Now I'm just old and grumpy. Constantly fighting my cynicism. Full of shit. And I know it. 

Coming back to my point of this post. I actually wanted to explain why I don't write anymore. It's because I have a different account for my blog for which I have to sign up with nostalgicchica@gmail.com That is also where you email me if you are overflowing with love or hate for me and too shy to tell me so in public. Anyway, so you know how annoying it is to have to sign out from your regular gmail account and then sign in again when you are done blogging. You could say I'm lazy. I would say I'm just not motivated enough to go through all this trouble. 

So here's the funny thing that I had to tell you. Maybe I should change my blog's name to NC's mom tales. Anyway, so my mom turned 53 yesterday. The sweet kid that I am, I ordered a basket of flowers and fruits online four days before her birthday. What else could I have done four days before her birthday? E-greetings wouldn't have worked. And I didn't want to write a mushy card, and I don't know how to write anything else. So I found this website designed to entice Indians living abroad to send gifts to their loved ones back home. They seemed pretty genuine, and affordable. They even have a midnight surprise option wherein, yes, they surprise your loved one at midnight - you genius! So anyway, I order this thing and try hard to keep it to myself, feeling all excited about surprising my mom. I talk to her and wish her in the morning. She doesn't mention being surprised. I talk to my sis and tell her to let me know if and when mom gets her surprise. I talk to my mom later in the day. She does mention the surprise. Gets all emotional and starts out saying something about loving the flowers but mid sentence changes the noun into a 'you'. Understandable, being emotionally dysfunctional and all. Then she says something priceless in her very unique style - you know like she wants to be sweet but just cannot be dishonest - she says, "the flowers are all dead - they really look like they've come from America". How does one respond to this?!

So lets talk about the crazy and interesting music of Dev D. Please go to the official website and check out Mind Fuck (the strangest song I have heard in quite a while - don't even know how to respond to it!) It is on the Uncensored page so I couldn't link to it - the clip is called Dev D - X rated. 

**Edited to add: Stay away from Lustline if you are below 18 - its quite funny though - you should check it out. I wonder why they put it there.**

I'm excited about Abhay Deol playing a modern day Devdas (who is addicted to drugs and not alcohol). Isn't he simply delicious?! I would pick him over freshly fried chicken momos any day. 

Anurag Kashyap is one crazy man. I'm beginning to appreciate his unconventional style. When I attended his screenwriting workshop three years ago, I thought he was an asshole trying hard to sell his down-to-earth image. All he did was tell us stories of his Satya days with Ramu - and his rags to riches life story. Lets see what happens with Dev D. He's definitely done a good job with the music. Here is an interesting song.