family matters

It's not been snowing yet again. My sis has come with gifts and memories - she brings me news of the family - some good, mostly not very good. People continue to struggle with their life choices. I'm not happy to hear the news. And I am happy to be away from all that.

To hear all the gory details on a daily basis and be passive observers is worse than being passive once in six months. When I was back in Delhi, there was not much I could do regarding family matters. Firstly there is a fear of offending the elders! Then comes the fear of offending anyone else. All relationships are forced. Love is pretence.

I don't think I will ever be able to go back and live the same life - full of compulsions and fears. I would rather be at a distance and maintain true relationships with selective family members than be stuck in the dirty politics bowing down to the "elders".

I didn't leave because of all this - though it had been troubling to deal with the family hierarchy and be at the absolute bottom of it. But whenever I did think of how many weddings, festivals and other family get-togethers I will be missing, I just knew I had made the right decision.

It's just that so many years have passed by and if these people continue to make me feel the way they did when I was eight - there must surely be something wrong. It might seem that I'm exaggerating but for me it is important to rid myself of any sort of negative influences. The sad part is that there are a few really nice people still stuck in that mess and I hope and wish they too can find a way out.

###Thanks to Saral Dutt for commenting on my post. He is a poet and a Delhite - the perfect combination! I hope to read his blogs when my sis leaves :) ###