NEW york NEWs

It is official now. I am addicted to blogging.

So my pending post was about my stupidity over the past few days. I have a problem - just don't know what it is.

I get the strangest of mood-swings. They range in extremes. It's like my inability to express my emotions in a human-like fashion that leads me to behave passive-aggressively, which in turn irritates the hell out of me and everyone around.

The new development is the belief that it is okay for me to be wrong - I mean I always thought that I should try to be the best I can - but now I think that its okay to have shortcomings and to live with them. I would like people who care to understand these shortcomings so that I don't have to feel guilty about having them. I want to be proud of my shortcomings instead of desperately trying to iron out any crease that I notice in me before people see how imperfect I really am. Maybe I'm trying to get over my very well-hidden self-esteem problems.

One thing troubling me over the past some days was becoming aware of changes in someone else's life. It's not that I don't approve of these changes (because I don't think I have the right to approve or disapprove) but the changes are not positive and make me extremely uncomfortable. But I just don't have the guts to come out and say it. I never did.

The funny thing is that when A told me that she bitched about me on her blog, my heart sank. I was nervous about reading what she wrote. But thankfully it doesn't seem like she hates me despite my recent tantrums. The irony is that we both have restrained ourselves from talking to each other due to the fear of offending each other which led to greater problems!

This plus my interaction with my sister B makes me think that maybe I should stop being afraid and just speak my mind. It is so much better for the other person to know what is really in your head than for them to keep guessing and misunderstand everything. I almost wish that we humans were less complicated - but I stop myself. That doesn't sound like any fun!

So here I am in a room with A, B and roomie R blogging away to glory - whereas people like Mad Momma and others are off living their real lives away from their blogs. After the shocking incident with the con man, we decided to order pizza in our room and hibernate in the relative safety of our hotel - though our Pakistani taxi person told us about some recent robberies in hotel rooms in the city! He also told us about the "kalu-land" (african-american ghetto) lying between our hotel in Brooklyn and Manhattan, which ensured our non-activity for the night. It almost seems like my Mom sent the con man and the Pakistani taxi man to scare us off!

But tomorrow will be a new day. Hopefully our scar will fade somewhat and we will venture out into the BIG APPLE - see the main attractions and find a safe spot to spend new year's eve in new yorker style.

For now, its goodnight from the city that never sleeps...