To Know Or Not to Know

**There is nothing like opening the window blinds in the morning and see everything covered in snow! This image is so surprising and wonderful for me. I hope it stays this way.**

Two men who own the 24/7 store close to my place have moved here from Pakistan last year. They are very friendly. They are probably very happy to see desi faces and I'm very happy to see Pakistanis. Yesterday they asked me about my winter clothes as seriously as my Mom asks on the phone every second day. They looked at my coat dismissively and said "do you have any warm coats?" And I was wearing the warmest I have! I appreciate their concern but I don't even know their names and they don't know mine! I felt sort of weird after that episode. I had mixed feelings. I decided that next time I will introduce myself and know their names before I can take any more parental advice from them.

Isn't it weird how we see people often but don't know their names? There is this one woman I see very often on the bus. First time I really noticed her was one time when I travelled alone at night to the not-so-nice part of town. I was meeting some friends for a film screening. I was sitting in the back and the bus became very crowded after sometime. I looked outside the window because I had nothing else to do. Then I noticed someone watching me. A woman sitting right in the front was looking straight at me. When I caught her eye, I quickly turned back towards the window. Yes, I am stupid. I must have looked it too. The thing is I had trained myself to stare back at lechorous men in Delhi's public places until they feel shame and look away. But this was another context and an older woman doing it. What was I to do?

When I did look away, I got this feeling that maybe I know her already - her face was familiar and she gave me a sort of a smile too! And then I felt even more stupid for looking away without smiling back. As I tried to fix my eyes at the window, my mind rushed - trying to place her somewhere - where have I seen her? Who could she be? There are a limited number of people of her age group that I have met since I came here. So the list wasn't too long - and then my paranoia grew as I thought maybe I've seen her on TV! That would explain her familiar face. And people here often smile and exchange greetings with everyone they see. That could explain the smile!? So I sat there looking confused and nervous - facing the window - throughout the bus ride. I got down at the wrong bus stop and spent almost an hour walking around lost in the not-so-nice part of town. No, no - i'm not blaming the poor woman for this! Just my ever-growing stupidity was at a new high that night!

So anyways, the funny thing is that I know her face very well now - and I notice her in so many places. I saw her at the mall, on different buses and bus stops. And now I do return her smile and we even say hi to each other. She even greets my roomie who is with me most of the time. I know nothing about her and I hope she knows nothing about me (oh please, my stupid head is spooking me out again!). I wish I could just stop her one day and introduce myself and get to know more about her. But there is something special in not knowing too. It's hard for me to let things be - I usually need to get all the information I can get and be objective and practical about everything. This feeling of not-knowing is difficult for me, yet very interesting. As long as she's not giving me advice about what shoes I should wear in the winter, I think I can deal with not knowing.

A brilliant film I love by Wong Kar-Wai called 'Chungking Express' plays with this very emotion. Lovers leave letters that remain unopened - just writing it makes me cringe! Watching it was a complete pleasure. Another film that takes this emotion to an absolutely another level is Bertolucci's 'Last Tango in Paris' - where a man and a woman happen to meet at an apartment which is up for renting. There begins an intimate relationship wherein the man (Marlon Brando) insists on them staying anonymous to each other.

So here's to mysterious encounters of all kinds... ;)