A to G to C to X

I'll make a really bad professor one day. I have all the qualities of a bad professor, including a dream of teaching professionally. I can start from A, go to G, come back to C and go to X in a split second. I imagine myself standing in front of a large group of eager eyes staring at me dumbfounded - some wondering why I don't make any sense to them, some day-dreaming, and very few, if any, recognizing the potential of something useful coming out of my lecture.

Until I get to be in front of those eager eyes, I get to torture your's!

So RH thinks our interaction is unhealthy. I strongly disagree. There are so many reasons for it, I don't know where to begin my explanation. I've met many people in my life, very few of them had anything to do with filmmaking. These few were fun, but there was never a real understanding between us. I always thought the reason to be our different interests in forms of filmmaking - mine being documentary, and their's narrative. I couldn't have been more wrong. RH and I have a very healthy level of mutual understanding, which is proving to be extremely helpful for my personal growth. Yes, you horrible scorpion, we are good for each other's emotional/creative health. Physical health is too superficial for me to care about :)

Today happens to be Valentine's Day. I wonder what this man ever really did to become so famous! But if it wasn't for the red hearts all over campus, the Mall, and everyone I would never have noticed.

I realized today that I have a lot to think about - lots of things to sort out - things I should start thinking about soon. The idea of narrative filmmaking is much more acceptable to me now. I am looking forward to a time when I start writing scripts that I like, scripts that speak my mind, and address my concerns. I yearn for a time when I create true characters, give them meaningful lives and let them tell their stories to me.

Something struck me again today. Its like I am in the process of gaining all this power over this medium, and now on all I have to do is use it. This power of film-making is all mine. I choose to do with it whatever I wish. Then suddenly I realized how powerless I really am - over something so personal as my own body. I felt miniscule and ashamed. Of all this talk about being powerful. I have an obligation to keep my body within the unsaid rules of my parents. Will I ever break this obligation, like I've broken so many lesser ones? Do I have the courage to take complete control of my own self?

Its funny how we are blind to our own realities - or maybe its selective blindness. I don't believe in rebellion based on convenience. So I probably will take the plunge and go all the way. I see myself as being in a state of transition - from conservatism to liberalism. The day I reach the liberal end could take a while, but that's fine as long as I keep moving in the right direction...


P.S. - RH caught the blog bug - thanks to me :) Google should pay me for all my blog-missionary activities!