I still haven't finished editing is the reason I don't want to blog. I can't seem to understand what is required of me. I see all these classmates of mine who are working so hard, editing day and night, getting feedback from faculty and other students, whereas I'm stuck. I assumed I will need feedback, but honestly I don't know what I would do with it. I've shown my rough rough cut to only my advisor and my favorite professor - both failed to inspire me. One was too picky and hell bent on shortening my film - the other was too sweet and relieved that my film makes sense. The problem is that I can't seem to just sit down and make the damn film like it is mine and only mine. And I know for a fact that unless I do that, I will not like what comes out of it.

I have to submit the final film on Friday for it to be screened on Tuesday next. I hope I come to my senses before that. I'm curious to see RH and Bozo's film. Asshole Aki and Evil E's films make me nauseous. I can't seem to watch Asshole's film objectively. It still angers me to see that he's made this film with a stolen idea and a coincidental subject. I'm so glad I don't get to see much of him nowadays. Maybe I'm being silly in avoiding him, but I think it's for my own good, and I also think that he deserves it. Evil E on the other hand continues to be obnoxious with her love for her fucking Italian community - actually I like all the people from her "community" who I met through the filming of her "docu-drama-crap" - it's only her that stands out like a sore thumb.

I have to start planning my future soon - my summer in delhi - and my second year once I come back - in terms of films that I want to make. I've been watching the first season of Mad About You on DVD - I ordered the first three seasons for my sis (and myself) - only the first has arrived till now. I ordered the complete series of Sex and the City also for her, and myself. Baby T is going to have a fun summer ;)

Sunshine will arrive in delhi a couple of days after I get there. Things are great with BH. It's strange how my highs and lows alternate between the personal and professional/academic fronts. I'm not looking forward to meeting SS so much - just because she annoys me and I don't think I can take it any more. I'm sort of in a girl repellant mood right now. Meeting with Sam will be fun - she's eagerly awaiting my feedback in order to make her decision of coming here to study film for her undergrad. I'm still not sure what I will tell her. My two other little cousins may be coming over for a few days to my sister's place - they seem to be Baby T's first real friends. My mom already asked me what I will wear for the big party that's supposed to take place right after I get there - sort of a Baby T's head-shaving celebration and my home-coming mixed together. It's something I can't avoid no matter how painful it gets, so I'm just glad it will be over soon.

Oh, another thing. RH had to do his final assignment for a class - he made me and Nemo act in his really short film as lovers. We were thinking of sending it to the local gay and lesbian film festival that happens in Fall sometime. He's just edited it for his camera choreography class without any fun music and things - but I think the film will be great with some sound effects and music. RH - don't be lazy - do post work on it over the summer.

Okay, I'll go now. Another day of fooling around with my footage and dreaming of home...

P.S. - i wanted to post a Baby T photograph from the time when I was with him last - but I couldn't find it. I searched through all my gmail archives for it, and in stead found the most interesting emails from the past two-three years. Then my stupid 80GB hard drive bought for 400 rupees in delhi decided to die on me - it contains my whole life before I came here. The only pic I found online was from the day after Baby T's birth - and I was shocked at the way I look in it. So, sadly, no photos for you this time..