It feels like I haven't really blogged in a long time. So much in my life is going undocumented. The excitement of going home - has it really been that long? Ten months, the calendar says. I almost don't want to go back - in the fear of not wanting to come back. Was living away from home a test that I needed to take? Was it to prove something to someone else? Was it just to get away? Whatever it was, I feel successful, well, mostly. Sometimes I just want to kick myself for always choosing the difficult life.

I'm beginning to try to let go now. I'm calming down. I'm tired of fighting everyone. I'm getting older.

Told my Mom this morning that I can't wait to get back and eat food cooked by someone else, in utensils that I don't have to clean. What a luxury that is!

I have a cousin who I grew up with - he's only a year younger to me. He recently left home for the first time. He's doing an internship in a small city, living as a paying guest, eating only vegetarian food, and traveling in autos. This is a nightmare for him. I feel bad because he was pushed out of his comfort zone in his very first experience of being away from home. He doesn't have any friends and doesn't like the work he's been given. He still has over a month to complete the internship - I really hope he makes it.

With time, both of us have grown to be very different people but somehow we tend to get along well. He's going to join his dad's business very soon, and I'm afraid that the distance between us will increase even further when that happens. I already feel alienated sitting in his big car, knowing nothing about his expensive designer tastes.

Family relations are hard to maintain one-on-one when there are so many other people involved. Relatives, just that word - "relatives" scares me. I have so much negativity inside - so much anger. I dread going back and getting obligatory visits, with the fake smiles, and the prying questions.

Positives. Lets focus on the positives. My sister plans to plant the new inflatable pool on her terrace and help us all vegetate and eventually rot in the Delhi summer. Kebabs. That's a good enough reason by itself for a three month long visit. Oh, then there's Sunshine :) He wants to take me to McLeod, and one more place that we will pick from the map blindfolded. Crazy Shrenzy and our drunken night outs. Sumi and our drunken night outs :) Baby T. Baby T. Baby T. Those old wretches in my family can do whatever the hell they want, I'm going home :D