So it turns out that the new year is not really all that happy for one amongst us. After the ugliness of my cold sore, and the untimely death of my external hard drive meaning an early death of my film, this time it had to be some real bloodshed. And so I cut my finger today. By accident, it seems, but very appropriately timed in the unlucky string of events that has become my life.
As soon as it happened, I shook my head, because I realized that I'm still in that Shani phase or whatever you want to call it. The second thought almost instantly after the first was "which hand is it?" Thankfully, my left, not that it matters so much anymore. It was the end of a long shoot and we were just wrapping up when it happened. I drove home and put a band aid on it. I miss home. I think this is all a ploy to make me realize that I'm not meant to be here. Whose ploy?, you ask. God or whatever you want to call it. I miss so much. I miss people, places, things, words, moments, feelings, friends, especially those who left. I want to be here, yet I so don't.
Strangely I've been doing well in school, despite my chronic depression. I get a feeling I've risen above it somehow. I know I can't let my negativity spoil my education or career or life. My blog is certainly destroyed by it - I mean I wouldn't want to read me right now - full of self-pity and pessimism - but then this is the only space I have to express all of this crap. I'm a strong believer in sharing and spreading my happiness - never pain - except on the blog of course :)
13 comments:
Shani phase? You mean Chani (cowdung) phase?
Shani phase? Didnt know you believed in astrology!
Ohh NC, I`m sure this phase will fade out soon. In the mean time, if you can take a break, come down to Minneapolis. Some ghar ka khana might do you good :) Seriously.
Perakath! You pseudo Hindi speaker! CH and SH don't make the same sound. But cowdung seems appropriate too. Thanks :-/
Piper: I believe in everything and nothing at the same time. Minneapolis sounds cool - will definitely plan a trip sometime this year - but can't happen any time soon. You on the other hand have a very good friend who lives in the same city as me - you should come visit us both. "Ek teer se do nishaan" go figure this one out Perakath :P
Bird, stone?
yeah - that's right. did you google it?
No, I'm just smart :)
!!
hey, a trip to rochester is seriously in the offing, though when that shall be, i dunno :( Hopefully soon..
are you feeling any better today?
That sounds great! You should plan something soon - either before March 7, or after May 18. I won't be here in between.
I'm feeling really good today - who isn't, after the inauguration :) Did you watch??
Where will be you be in between? Any exciting trip coming up?
hopefully, yes. might be off to Croatia for my Spring term - still waiting for the visa..
Oh yeah...I remember that! I had a really good Croatian friend in college who has a BIG appetite for life. He travels like crazy. If I know him well, then at this moment he is probably trekking in some jungle in africa or skiing somewhere Europe or camping in some national forest...
If other Croatians are half as cool as this dude, then you will love them :-)
That's really cool. Now I'm even more excited. I did hear about the good Italian food there. You should come visit me. Baby T will. I even taught him to say Croatia - Crow + Asia :)
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