In case you were wondering, I wasn't that drunk in that post. I just had a pint of beer, and a shot of Jim Beam. The party was fun. Some of the kids going with me to Croatia were also there. We were talking about apartments and all that. I'm planning to start a new blog for Croatia - lets see.

Btw, this girl I met on my way to Delhi in December said something that's been haunting me since. So she was the daughter of an American diplomat who has lived all over the world and is now studying in America while her family is in Delhi. She was telling me about how she feels like an outsider in America because even though she looks American, she has been brought up in different cultures and places, and finds it hard to adjust in America. When I asked her about where she believes her home to be, she said home is wherever I've lived in the past two years. At present, she said, home was Germany, where she had lived for two years before her family moved to India. A simple and practical definition of home - defined by a young woman who has dealt with a nomadic lifestyle all her life. I thought it was an interesting way to look at it, yet didn't think it would apply to me. 

Now, as I come closer to completing two years in America, I feel a mix of relief, and sorrow. Relief because I feel more at ease here, which also makes me feel guilty. All this while I have been resisting the culture, language, people, lifestyle, etc. Over the last few days, it seems like I've changed so much. I'm finally okay here. I feel sad because I seem to have accepted this place as my home. My fear is (I don't even want to say it out loud - don't freak out sis) that I might not want to go back. That I might not like it there. That I will always miss this. But I guess I'll feel all of this for two years, according to that girl's rule, and then I'll feel at home in Delhi again :)

The film that I just finished - that's all about the experience of being away from home, and nostalgia, and uncertainty about the future. And I told myself that through the process of making this film, I should get over this and move on. You know, like give myself a new identity. There is obviously so much more to me than my nostalgia for home. I think that somehow this came true. It feels like it was through the film that I have begun to be more comfortable with my surroundings. As I edited it, over several weeks, I began to see myself through the three characters' eyes. This film has become an acknowledgment of my painful experience, and suddenly I don't feel defensive anymore. I guess that is a good thing, isn't it?