Thoughts of the day

So I've been thinking a lot about blogs and what else but myself!

I realize that most blogs I read are Mom-blogs, or married women's blogs, or blogs about specific things like pro-choice, feminism, photography, film, etc. Basically everyone has things to talk about other than themselves. Moms have kids, wives have their husbands, people have their respective passions. What do I have?

A few days back I got intimidated into actually considering having a child sometime in the next decade. Reading mom-blogs I thought that these women are so selfless with respect to their kids, and I, on the other hand, am always indulging in self-love or self-hate or self-doubt or any other selfs I can get. I thought I finally understood why people marry, or have kids - because they want to look beyond themselves, and care about others - probably because they get tired of living a life like mine.

Then I thought maybe I'm wrong. Having a husband/child only increases your idea of self. You incorporate them into your own identity and think selfishly not as an individual anymore, but as a family. This mom-blogger says this in her blog header - "About my life.. My baby.. wait are they not the same?" Same goes for people with particular passions. The passions cease to remain outside the self, and become an integral part of it.

In conclusion, the immensely loving and protective Moms and Wives, and the obsessed-passionate bloggers fooled me for a bit, until I realized that under the hugely different masks we wear, we're really all the same.

The strange thing is that I think and have always thought that selfishness is a very good characteristic to have - but I'm somehow uncomfortable with the level of selfishness I have achieved. Also despite the conclusion I reached here, I do think I need a bigger cause, something of real significance that I can dedicate my life to, which will make my life meaningful.

So I guess we're back to square one!

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It's snowing heavily this morning. Can't wait to get out!

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Got some bad news from home.
Death looms over a loved one's loved one.

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Eating grapes, and drinking lemonade right now.

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My message got lost between here and Sunshine.
There is something beautiful about incompleteness.

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Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time

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