Not a good day - from beginning to end.

Had the most terrifying set of dreams all night, and unfortunately they remained with me even after I woke up. They were all in some way about my complete helplessness against bad forces!

The shoot wasn't very good - for no fault of mine. I have decided to refuse an offer to DP for Devil E (she's not just Evil anymore; RH and I have rechristened her more appropriately). She, in her very kind and loving way, threatened me today. She has connections in the Mafia, and is not afraid to use them! Whatever.

My Greek friend was his usual lovely and calm self. Got three free rides in the day by different people. Made two new friends, and had an enjoyable shoot with them. Saw a most enthralling breakdance competition on campus. I stood there amidst the cheering crowd, holding my camera, full of envy for the young men and women who expressed themselves so candidly through dance. The music was fun and lively. I spotted a six-year old kid dancing just as well as the other dancers, but in a corner. He danced so freely when he thought no one except his elder sister was watching. When he realized that he had caught our attention, he became conscious and hid behind his sister, refusing to be filmed. I was surprised. I had approached him thinking he would be happy to perform for our camera - since he was so good at what he was doing. But I guess not everything is up for sale, is it? Art for art's sake. Remember? Thanks to a six-year-old, I know that now. This country is doing bad things to my head. I need to leave now.

That reminds me. I'm tired of dreaming of home. I have this one dream over and over again. I get home, meet everyone, and after some time I suddenly remember that I haven't met baby T, and then I go find him somewhere and hold him in my arms. The possible subconscious idea behind this dream is that I'm afraid I will go home and forget about baby T's existence - because for me, he existed only for three months. It doesn't make much sense now that I write this, but it does in my head.

Anyways, so it doesn't seem like it was a very bad day after all. I just hope Devil E magically vanishes for some time. She's getting on my nerves, no matter how hard I try to see her human side. Does it seem like I hate everyone around me? That's not true. I enjoy my time with Brend, Nam, and UU. I enjoy RH when he has the time for me. I go on these strange happy rambling marathons when I'm with ND, because I always feel he has very little time, even when he has lots of it.
Enough. No more explanations. Bye now.

Edited to Add: I saw "Lolita" on TV, and had a much needed therapeutic conversation with Sunshine. Feeling much better now - not afraid of impending dreams - and Lolita has nothing to do with it :) sweet dreams