dreams are made of...

I woke up this morning with the most surreal dream. It is strange how dreams work. I have noticed that when I am living on a happy curve, I dream of things going wrong, of things I fear, things I don't like. And when I am in a down phase on the life graph, I dream of the most beautiful, heart-warming people, places and moments that almost give me a reason to keep living. Now the question is - which is better? I mean I know I will have to live through both ups and downs in reality and dreams, but what if I had a choice?

I don't know how or when I used to think like this, but I remember wondering which is real - the time that I am awake in this world that we know, or the dream world that I live in for eight to ten hours everyday? Maybe that world is the "real" one, and not this that we think of as "real". What is real anyways? We experience both these worlds on a daily basis. Why do we dismiss the dream world as being "unreal"? Those who forget their dreams when they wake up still dream - they just can't recall what they experienced in that other world. Are dreams "unreal" only because they are intangible? What becomes of god then? What if someone decides to dismiss this "real" world and live more in the dream world?

Our day lives are like a never-ending soap opera, and dreams more like short stories. Day life is dependent on luck/fate/god/other people, whereas dreams are completely our own creation. Day life is mostly shallow, dreams are deep and meaningful. Dreams come to us at night - the time of the day that is most personal and intimate. Day life could be lived in a crowded place with people you dislike, and you have very little choice about it.

It must be clear by now what my dream was like this morning - the kind that makes you never want to leave that fascinating, star studded world.



Maybe I could alternate between the two worlds. Maybe thats what I've been doing for so long. But the thin line between the two worlds is hard to balance on without falling over.

So here's to many many more sweet snowy heavenly dreams - but that would mean a lousy life - eh, what the hell...

:)

Have my tickets for NYC!
How exciting it is to travel alone I cannot express in words.

After a long day of art directing, I decide to settle down with my laptop in the comfort of my cozy home and plan my recent future. The hostel will be reserved soon - probably by Monday, and then off I go to the big apple.

Life is going by too fast...and also too slow. I want to go away to stop for a while, and also to live faster in a fast city. I'm the epitome of contradictions - what can I say..

Please watch the video below me here...i loved this film! It is definately one of my top ten favorite films. That reminds me I have to make a list of my top ten favorites for class on wednesday. And I also have a free day on wednesday, after my two classes that is! Because it is my first day off from a shoot! So I can go watch a film or something. Still haven't seen Juno - what a loser am I!

This film "Before Sunset" inspires me so much - gives me the strength to believe that I have complete freedom with my creativity - there is no one in the world who can tell me what is right or wrong. It is me - my world inside my mind that comes to life with my films - and the thought of this reality is empowering and exciting. Long live independant thinking!

today

Hmm...so my happy moment of the day -

When I lazed around all MORNING at home ALONE after so so so many days?
No.

When I stood outside in the cool blizzard waiting for the bus with warm clothes covering me from head to toe?
No.

When I caught the last free bus home in the nick of time?
NO!

When I read my sister's blog?
YES! YES! YES!

explosive moment

I've been zoning out in my production classes. The hot professor gets on my nerves! My crew-mates say random pieces of vital information that I've never heard before - and they claim it was mentioned with special emphasis in class!

So I had my first shoot yesterday. I wasn't excited, not very nervous, like I usually have a tendency to be for big events. I thought to myself, is this what I want to do all my life? Hmm...

Today I rehearsed with my actors. These two brilliant guys who are so comfortable with their bodies and voices. They understand their tools, they play around with them - just really skilled actors. I had them in my mind when I wrote my script. It just felt perfect to watch them carry out the scene. My screenwriting professor gave us a tip about making our characters sound different from our own voice - and that is to cast different people in your head. That is what I had done with these two guys.

But the most perfect happy moment was watching my words come to life. The actors loved the script and said it was an actor's script! I wrote an actor's script! Can you believe that?

We worked on it for an hour. With every run through, the actors saw more and more of my point of view - and admired it! I cannot believe that these words I wrote on paper/laptop - became real words felt by other people - and will one day soon, hopefully, exist on film for a long time to come!

I've realized what brought me to the world of filmmaking was a strong desire to have a voice. And when I hear that voice loud and clear - I am HAPPY! :)

no free lunch - yippeeeee!

I've been meaning to write about my crisis situation - but real life intervened!

My first real film shoot is next Sunday. I had a crew, location, actors, equipment, motivation - just no script!

So I waited for the last moment - as usual - and finished my script. It's called "No free lunch". I had the idea for the story since a few weeks but had not written it down properly. I wasn't sure how it would come out. My AD loved it - she is an undergrad, therefore more experienced than me (i know it sounds weird, but its my second quarter as a grad and third year for her as an undergrad) and she's gorgeous. She is. Really. How I wish my friend Sums was here! She would know what I mean.

I was thrilled about the fact that she loved it. Now I have to revise it once before I make final copies for the Monday class. The only problem is that the actors haven't confirmed till now. Just keeping my fingers crossed..

Oh, Happy Lohri to everyone back home! And especially to baby T - poor thing will be subjected to relatives once again today! Enjoy the warm fire and popcorns, and think of me while you do it.. :)

I have to come up with a production name by tomorrow. It is really silly but I want to decide once and for all. I have been waiting for this moment, and also dreading it - when I have to think of one name to describe my filmmaking style/concept/theme. It doesn't matter if I pick some random name now and change it later - but I don't want to do that. So it has to be something abstract, yet definite - all-encompassing, yet me. I wish I was super smart and could think of the perfect name. Any ideas?

Also, I would love to post my script on the blog but I'm afraid it might get stolen. Uh! The fears of the world wide web! What could be worse - my photo posted on a porn-site or my script stolen and filmed under someone else's name? Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit - both ways! So I should shut up and do some more work.

zzz...

It's 7am in my part of the world and I haven't got any shut eye all night.
I'm off from school so I like to screw up my body clock just for fun :)

Saw this weird crappy film called "Teaching Mrs. Tingle" on TV - it started like any other mediocre Hollywood high-school film. And I was in the mood for an out-of-the-mill relaxing film that would put me to sleep with it's predictability. Hmm...so not my lucky night! The makers of the film (I say "makers" because I believe that Hollywood films are made by a bunch of artistically-challenged businessmen) decided to be ambitious with this one! So the film goes from boringly-regular to creepily-exciting. By the time I realize this, I am already trapped! I can't turn it off - I'm too curious to see how it ends (did I mention that these businessmen making these films are good at their job?) ....anyways, so there begins my sleepless night.

My roomie and I are actually considering going out and pretending to have just woken up - and surprise our neighbors who are leaving for work - who we generally never see because we live in different time-zones! ;) ...but, but...isn't it Sunday today?? yes, i think so....these crazy lunatics!! - screwing with their body clocks like this - leaving home at 7am on a Sunday!

Ya, so I finish with that weird film and read some Vikram Seth - which also doesn't put me to sleep - because now is the time when Vikram's uncle leaves his love interest (who is Jewish) in Germany and goes to England - and that sick Hitler guy has started his barbaric acts - definitely not something to read when you are about to drift into the subconscious to spend a few hours there...

Then I pick up my laptop - for the 1857th time since yesterday (oh! look! its 1857! No offence Aamir, its just a coincidence...) - and I open my blog to check for any fingerprints left behind by unsuspecting visitors (I've set up traps to track all those who wander into my blog by mistake - yes, i confess, i get cheap thrills by the number of visitors i get..).
So anyways, I am thrilled to see that I did get a comment!!!!!!!! And it's someone from France!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Globalization, I love you! It's Margot! From somewhere in the south of France! And she likes something I wrote! Yiiippppeeeeeee.....

I'm so happy i could just fall asleep.....zzzz....zzzzz....

happy moment

I've realized that I rarely feel the BIG HAPPY MOMENT after I achieve something big - so I am going to document here my small happy moments which are just as thrilling and precious!

I ventured out in the snow today - apart from it being my first real snow day, it also happens to be Thanksgiving. So here I am happily treading out in the cold when I see this most amazing sight. Everything around me is still and everything around me is white! Not a soul in sight. Parking lots are full of car-shaped snow candy. The lawns are wearing beautiful shiny white linen. Tiny cold pearls softly hit my face. I take in a deep breath. This is it. I tell myself - I am in heaven!

Then ofcourse I walk back home and realize I've locked myself out! Any normal person would kick themselves hard at this time - but I enjoyed every bit of the waiting I did standing outside my apartment building. Then came along this really old man in the maintenance cart with the spare key - I felt bad for him - working this late on Thanksgiving day! But then he comes along smiling and makes fun of my foolish act! No more sympathies from me, Mister..

One of the few things that give me real true happiness is food. And so I indulged myself when I stood outside in the cold waiting for the old man, and prepared a list of mouth-watering things to make as soon as I got into my kitchen!

My Thanksgiving dinner includes chicken dim sums, bengali fish curry, boiled rice, triple chocolate cake with dark chocolate ice-cream and jalebi (the only things I cooked are the rice and the fish ;) ).