Hey..so much is going on, and yet so much is still left to do..

My new Spanish teacher reminds me of my class 6 Sanskrit teacher - or actually, she's more like my class 11 Math teacher!
I used to hate both of them but not this one. She may be more strict and may lack humor, but I've learnt more Spanish in the last two days than I did in the last two weeks. Even though I feel bad about my old professor who had to leave, my priority is to learn the language. And if I manage to do well in these last three weeks that are left of this term, I think I will be ready for Spanish 2!

The big news is - I am going to go see the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS!!!
Yipppeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had seen them on TV ages ago when I was a kid and used to love basketball. These guys are just so cool and so much fun to watch. And I can't believe I'm going to see them live in front of me! I haven't been taking advantage of being in this far-away land, so I thought I deserve a fun night out with my childhood heros. It's funny how the first real event that I see in my new home is the globetrotters, and not a concert or something. I guess this is more fun...atleast I hope it will be.. :)

Another good news is that I might just be doing two courses with this professor I've been just desperately waiting to work with. She is just awesome! And she has started a new course for spring called Documentary Field Production - absolutely perfect timing! I am hoping it doesn't clash with any of my other classes. It should be fun!

And then Spanish 2 is in the afternoons - which means I don't have to get up early everyday - i.e. if I do decide to take it.

Registration for Spring courses begins tomorrow. There are also these two interesting courses for German and French cinema - but again, I will have to make sure they don't clash with my other courses, if I decide to take them.

I have been considering a few courses in Political Science too - there is "War and the State", "Terrorism/Political Violence", and "Politics through Fiction". I have given up on "Women's Stories/Women's Films" because I have given up on the professor who teaches it - the same one who is teaching me screenwriting this time. She may give me a strong foundation in writing, but I'm afraid she might stagnate me.

So things are looking up - somewhat. I still have four more shoots to go. The one on Saturday is in my very own apartment - and I happen to be the Art Director for it. I will decide on my Spring break destination in a day or two. I really want to go to NYC and stay there for a week. Fingers crossed!

My summer program is turning out to be quite a task - there are too many choices and I have no idea what to do. Should I stick to my initial plan of Granada, Spain or should I switch to Mexico or Puerto Rico or something else? I need professional help - I think I should talk to the Spanish Chair in my university.

I should go now - I have a short meeting and a long long class now. Will get home at 10PM.

Hasta luego mis amigos y mi hermana!

no name

So I have successfully completed my three big responsibilities for the week!

Sunday night is celebration night - NOT!

Am I tired? Maybe. I don't know. I'm beyond tired - where there is no feeling of physical stress - just the dark circles under my eyes make me look sick...

I have work for tomorrow - but I have decided to do it in the morning - after I reach campus at 7 AM. I have to be there at that time just so that I can get in line to return all the equipment.

I might miss my bus - like I did yesterday (but that wasn't my fault) - unless I sleep now - which will not happen.

So I saw this film last night - Happiness. Really interesting film - I enjoyed it a lot. Will write more about it some other time - when I have more active brain cells!

My friend Sunshine has vanished yet again. We live in this dark dark world now...

:)(:

No time to write a real post.

Just that another bitter sweet moment happened today.

Made me real happy and real sad - real good and real bad.

One person in the world, who gives me exactly what I need just the way I need it, needs me.

Stars around my head

Finally people around me realize the challenge I have taken on!

Three shoots in one week!!!

So the class with everything took place today. I had to present the call-sheet for the shoot that I'm ADing (Assistant Directing) - [you guys should know film lingo by now! ] and the script for my own shoot. The call-sheet wasn't perfect - but I guess it is a learning process (even though I forget this fact far too often). My script reading was fun - everyone understood it and enjoyed it. It was timed to be under three minutes - which is great, but my non-hot but better instructor thought I might have to cut it short. I also need to add another character to it - I don't know why! I promise I will post the final script online after I complete a successful shoot (fingers crossed).

So I have a long list of things to do. As I wrote this, I remembered an urgent email I had to send out. I wrote this weird/needy/funny mail to this half-Indian cute senior of mine. He's a real sweetheart. He is. And he's really cool too. He's real nice. Okay. I know. You get the point. Oh! Also. My classmates were trying to fix me up with him! How lovely would that be. But no. I wouldn't want to be with him be with him. But he's really wonderful and talented. I guess he's great company and a big help. And quite cute. But this is his last year here - he's doing his thesis :( it's funny how simple it is to sound like I'm back in grade 4 - calculating how many more seconds I have with my three-week-old crush before he moves on to the bigger school!

You think I should study? I guess I should. Sometime later in life, when I'm old and aimless (hope I die before I see that day) I shall do research about why people leave everything for the last minute!

Get it?

;)

Of cupcakes and cancelled classes

Exciting night - at least for my loser-self!

I tread out Sunday evening to attend a not-so-important evening with a bag full of goodies. I carry everything I could possibly need to study between 7pm and 11pm. It's only nine when I realize I didn't eat anything and will not be able to do anything productive without food (not that I had done anything productive till then - apart from contributing in the meeting with my brilliant idea of buying a fancy dress and returning it the next day after the shoot so that the director could stay within budget).

Then I go food hunting with my friend Aki. He's quite strange sometimes. But he has reason to be. He just found out that his sis-in-law back in India passed away. And he has a month old baby back home who he has never met. Anyways, so he's hungry and I'm hungry and both of us are not thinking right (for our own reasons - mine being HUNGER). So we check out two eating places on campus on opposite sides - and both are closed! So I decide to go to the mall with the free bus and then go home from the mall - and Aki decides to go home and eat.

Stupid me realizes after getting on to the bus that there is no bus from the mall to home at this hour on Sundays. I am panic-stricken with the thought of taking a taxi home. The bus I am on stops at another eating place far away on campus. I see its open and has food - and I jump off! I get in and buy some nice chocolate cookies - and on the phone with roomie R try to figure out how to get to the other side of the campus to take the last bus home. He gives me the bus timings but it's still far away and don't feel like walking all the way. I look around and spot a couple of Public Safety cars doing the rounds. I reluctantly walk up to one and ask the lady police officer if she could give me a ride to the bus stop. And she says yes! So I sit in the back of this police car - wondering who else sat here before me - and when we reach the stop and I try to get off, the door doesn't open - Duh! The police officer comes out to open the door for me. I feel good about taking her help instead of risking the walk. I felt safe and taken care of - sweet :)


That reminds me - this film I'm DPing (director of photography-ing) needs me to shoot cupcakes and so I have do some research about lighting food. I came across many photographs that made me drool - but this one reminded me of my blog :)

Another cool thing that happened was that finally I got an email from a professor cancelling a class! I haven't had a single class cancelled till now despite adverse conditions. But this one happens to be my favorite class - Spanish! And the reason is my professor's husband has a surgery - which isn't very nice too. So I guess it's better to not have any classes cancelled :(

My horoscope on facebook

I'm not superstitious and I don't wake up every morning to open the newspaper and see what is in store for me for the rest of the day but this one I saw randomly on facebook and it is SO DAMN TRUE!

Gemini: Now's not the time to push yourself too hard or beat yourself up for not working harder. You're doing what you can, and you should be proud of that..

Lets talk about BREASTS

Watching "South Park" brought up the need to introspect an important subject.

Breasts.

By the way, did I say South Park is super hilarious!

So anyways, I just saw this SP episode where one of the classmates, 8 year old Bebe, begins to develop breasts. This leads to a series of events including Bebe wanting a breast reduction to avoid all the attention she is getting, and her friend actually getting a breast implant to compete with Bebe. It ends with all the boys in the class realizing that breasts are stupid and they shouldn't let breasts dictate their judgement of people. Nice ending.

I've had friends with big and small breasts. Through my growing up years I was in a group where breasts were considered a liability. Some of us had a lot, most of us didn't. The ones who had tried to alleviate them somehow - those who didn't pranced around with carefree joy. I would be the latter of course!

So just as I see an eight year old with fake boobs on TV and my friend A tells me about an acquaintance who had grown breasts at an early age, I begin to wonder about my own. There is not much to think about really. And my friends and I have joked about the lack of them so very often that I never thought I would discover something new about these old things.

Young girls are generally found complaining about not having enough. I always knew I have less, but never wanted more either. Now when I look back, I realize how so many of my life choices were shaped by this flat-shaped part of my body. They just never came in my way and gave me so much freedom by not being significant. And what a blessing it has been!

Women with less usually envy those with more - and now have very simple ways of getting themselves some more of it. The fact that I never really gave it much thought makes me see how liberating this whole experience has been for me. I would never trade these precious little baby boobs for anything in the world. After all, its my freedom that is at stake here!

Double-Mind-Never-Mind

Blogging is a peculiar medium. I'm afraid it may not be the right one for me.

The idea is to document events and opinions. Unbiased documentation is an unachievable ideal. So the events reported on the blog represent one side of the event. Opinions are even more complicated. Once documented, the opinion becomes officially mine.

Now, the problem is - I am a Gemini. That should be explanation enough!

If not, I'll try to explain what a disaster blogging could turn out to be for a Gemini.

I'm different with every person I know.
If I were the same with any two people, the second wouldn't be necessary.

Blogging forces me to select words to represent what I feel or think - which is great. I love doing that. But I also take the risk of being taken seriously. It's not that I am not sincere in my writings. It's just that I can feel strongly about something and yet not feel strongly about it. Sounds contradictory? That's exactly it! I contradict without being hypocritical. Yes, it is possible. I am a living example.

So the question is whether to use this explanation as the introduction to my every post as a safety net or to write with complete freedom without any concern of being misunderstood...any suggestions?

zzzz....

Not another sleepless night, please!

I had the worst time in my evening class trying to keep my eyes open! I sat in the first row - thanks to all my geeky classmates who sit in the front whereas all the cool undergrads sit at the back! I just wanted to fall deep into a cozy bed!

That's what I'm going to do now...goodnight!

true bloggers

Blogging was just a venting area. Until I was not alone anymore.

I had been thinking about how it would be to blog about people who read my blog. I knew it will be difficult and I will be forced to self-censor. I say forced because I would do it for them, not for me.

People who know me well have heard me describe my life experiences over and over to numerous people. I usually like to keep people in my life updated with everything significant. I don't know why I do it. Maybe I like the attention. Maybe I think that life is art and needs to be appreciated. Or maybe it's my storytelling skills that get good practice in altering the same story for different people. Or it could be my years of living two different lives and hiding one from the other that makes me want to come out and speak the truth fearlessly.

But I can see how this could be a problem for the characters in my stories - who are real people with different ideas and thoughts about life. They may not enjoy being spoken about as much.

It's not merely reporting that I do here. My words will help say what I wouldn't say in real life. It may actually help the characters themselves get a new perspective on the story. It is like a parallel conversation with my near and dear ones - the deeper thoughts that are usually neglected in day to day conversations. I see it as being for a greater good - for the pursuit of truth.

And I truly urge my near and dear readers to start sharing their truths with me through their own blogs so that our lives and relationships become more fulfilling.

NEW NEW NEW

I never used the word New with Delhi when I was back home. Nothing was new about it for me. Its funny how I came to another "New" place looking for a NEW life. At the beginning of a new year I can't help but think of my old New Delhi.

So it is the last day of 2007 today. The day demands a summing up of the year passing by and listing the expectations from the new one. This year has been extremely important for me. My dreams of a decade back have finally materialized. I left home this year. My journey to become a filmmaker has officially begun.

So many big and small accomplishments of the past year and even bigger dreams for the next - but no time to list them out.
Have to rush out and begin to celebrate the end of this wonderful year...see you in 2008...in a brand new year :)

NEW york NEWs

It is official now. I am addicted to blogging.

So my pending post was about my stupidity over the past few days. I have a problem - just don't know what it is.

I get the strangest of mood-swings. They range in extremes. It's like my inability to express my emotions in a human-like fashion that leads me to behave passive-aggressively, which in turn irritates the hell out of me and everyone around.

The new development is the belief that it is okay for me to be wrong - I mean I always thought that I should try to be the best I can - but now I think that its okay to have shortcomings and to live with them. I would like people who care to understand these shortcomings so that I don't have to feel guilty about having them. I want to be proud of my shortcomings instead of desperately trying to iron out any crease that I notice in me before people see how imperfect I really am. Maybe I'm trying to get over my very well-hidden self-esteem problems.

One thing troubling me over the past some days was becoming aware of changes in someone else's life. It's not that I don't approve of these changes (because I don't think I have the right to approve or disapprove) but the changes are not positive and make me extremely uncomfortable. But I just don't have the guts to come out and say it. I never did.

The funny thing is that when A told me that she bitched about me on her blog, my heart sank. I was nervous about reading what she wrote. But thankfully it doesn't seem like she hates me despite my recent tantrums. The irony is that we both have restrained ourselves from talking to each other due to the fear of offending each other which led to greater problems!

This plus my interaction with my sister B makes me think that maybe I should stop being afraid and just speak my mind. It is so much better for the other person to know what is really in your head than for them to keep guessing and misunderstand everything. I almost wish that we humans were less complicated - but I stop myself. That doesn't sound like any fun!

So here I am in a room with A, B and roomie R blogging away to glory - whereas people like Mad Momma and others are off living their real lives away from their blogs. After the shocking incident with the con man, we decided to order pizza in our room and hibernate in the relative safety of our hotel - though our Pakistani taxi person told us about some recent robberies in hotel rooms in the city! He also told us about the "kalu-land" (african-american ghetto) lying between our hotel in Brooklyn and Manhattan, which ensured our non-activity for the night. It almost seems like my Mom sent the con man and the Pakistani taxi man to scare us off!

But tomorrow will be a new day. Hopefully our scar will fade somewhat and we will venture out into the BIG APPLE - see the main attractions and find a safe spot to spend new year's eve in new yorker style.

For now, its goodnight from the city that never sleeps...

twenty seventh of december

Today has been an eventful day.

My sister's birthday. She turned 26 today. Sounds so cool. I had planned a surprise for her. A VIP tour in a cool winery. She loves wine and always wants to learn more about it, so this was perfect for her. And I'm glad the day went well and she had a really good time smelling and spitting out numerous wines. The wine-maker and his assistant gave us a lovely tour and shared all their knowledge about wine and the process of making it! The place was so beautiful despite it being winter. I was worried it won't look half as nice as it does during Fall. The weather was lovely and the whole trip was just perfect.

Benazir Bhutto dies. I hear this news in the morning when we were waiting for our Greyhound. I was shocked. It makes sense and I was expecting this news but was still very shocking. Another one bites the dust - Another one bites the dust - And another one gone and another one gone - Another one bites the dust...

My sister finds her favorite glove. She was wearing the gloves this morning and dropped one somewhere. We went back to look but couldn't see it anywhere. We gave up and went ahead to another bus ride out of town, took the wine tour, another bus ride back to town and while walking to take the bus home my sister remembers the glove. I tell her to forget about it. Just then she spots it on the side of the pavement! Unbelievable!

I commit a felony! The border police decide to carry out a random check in my greyhound bus. Thankfully my sister was carrying her passport with her tourist visa in it. I of course go around thinking I have a right to be here. I hardly think of myself as an alien anymore. Why then am I expected to produce my I-20 for no fault of mine?! Though I did feel insulted, I do realize that I commit a felony if I travel without my immigration documents. No matter how unfair it sounds and feels, I guess it is for our own good - for our own safety?!?! Here I go again - talking the language the rulers of the world want me to talk - "I am unsafe and I give up my rights willingly so that you can protect me"!

So it was a good day - and we're going out for dinner now - hopefully there won't be any more events to report for today..
Buenas noches amigas y amigos :)

sis update

Haven't had the time to post since sis arrived. Today is going to be another shop day with her at the mall. Just waiting for Sunday when we leave for NY city.

We saw 'The Kite Runner' two days back. It was a really good film. It sucked me in completely and I forgot all about my film lessons.

I'm sort of missing my Spanish classes - wish I could practice it every day.

I also should be studying other things - maybe I'll keep my books for the train journey to NYC. Also for the birthday surprise that my sis is going to get tomorrow. We'll be travelling around one hour away in the bus.

She got me so very many things from Delhi. Apart from all the clothes and accessories, she got me loads of readymade food packets (which will be staple food for me for the next couple of months) and a Faiz book!!!! Remember my goal of memorizing Faiz poetry - well, I have take one step further and now have a very good collection of his works. The translations are not very good - but I guess they never can be good enough. And my mom sent Kaaju ki barfi and Uncle chips! Yumm!

I'm rushing through this because my sis can come out from the shower any moment now. And then it's my turn to get ready so that we can leave. Here she comes...

Missing post

So I wasn't supposed to be writing another post until after my sister arrived. Her flight got delayed - by three hours - and so I have to find ways to stay awake until then. She's stuck in NYC - but not in the city - at the airport! I am supposed to go pick her up from the airport, but I wonder if I'll get a taxi that late...

Another crisis in the meantime is that of the Mad Momma. All her regular readers know about her recent nomadicity - but just when we thought she had settled for good she does another vanishing act! And this time there is no trace of her. The wordpress blog asks for a login which led me to create a whole new blog and that led me to a cero! So if anyone has heard from her or knows anything about her whereabouts, pass the word on.

map is back

My clustermap is back - but you can still leave a comment.
I see that I've got some new visitors :)

The grass is visible now - hasn't been snowing for a few days. I hope my sis gets to see some nice fresh snow - but only after we get her enough warm clothes and snow boots. A white Christmas is predicted so lets hope the snow god feels generous soon.

I will finally be putting up the Christmas lights that I had bought a month back.
Will post a pic soon..see you when it snows..

two thousand and eight

My roomie reminded me that I haven't even started looking at the applications for my summer program. There is just so much to do starting next year that I'm afraid I might forget all about my Spain dream. I do need all the paperwork that I had needed for applying to US universities - but this time I will apply only to one or two places in all - so it will be much much easier.

There are two options - one is just a language and culture program with a choice of 3 or 6 credits - or an internship opportunity with very interesting academic courses like media, sexualities, society, etc. in Spain. Though the latter sounds very good, the former is more what I need right now. I need to take a break from academics and travel across the south of Spain for a month - without any compulsions and desis ;)

The only preparation apart from applying is getting a strong hold on my linguistic skills. I'm doing pretty well in my spanish course - but I will have more exams and tests along with so much film work in January and February - I will be on my toes constantly..

So I guess it is good to take stock of all that needs to be done as soon as 2008 enters - and also to enjoy whatever is left of this year. Sis is on her way - will be here soon :)

Oh btw, my clustermap vanished. Now I will not know you came :( unless you leave me a comment :)

Dinner last night...

So the Christmas break has begun! I am so relieved. I had a wonderful day yesterday. Had a lot of things to finish before the break because the university closes down on Monday. After doing all the work I went to try a Thai restaurant with some friends. The food was excellent - but hardly Thai! The Thai food we get in India is the kind where you can smell the coconut milk and the lemon grass from a mile away. The Thai I had last night was more like the Chinese food we get back in India. The Chinese here is so different from the Indian Chinese and also from the Chinese Chinese as my Taiwanese friends tell me.

It is so weird how the same words mean different things and the same things have different names in different places. My friend RH and I can't help but compare notes on life and everything in it every time we get the chance. He is from Florida and is the same age as me. We have had very similar experiences with religion, parents, siblings, etc. and we just seem to get each other so easily despite belonging to different worlds. So the food last night was an example of the same word (Thai) meaning different things, and RH and I show how different words can really be the very same things.

RH too was very relaxed yesterday - so the dinner was fun with his silly jokes, my sillier responses, some Corona and my two Taiwanese friends busy eating and ignoring our silliness (hopefully blaming it on the Coronas ;))..

A self-confessed desi

Blogging has become my favorite procrastinating activity.

Stop me someone - before I indulge myself in yet another piece of revelation, occurring ever so often in my life!

Ah! here it comes - someone said hi to me on gtalk! Don't you just love it when you're desperately bored and have so much work pending that thinking about it makes your head hurt - and then someone reaches out to you! And you would never be happier to see this person online - you may generally hide yourself at the slightest intuition of his/her name appearing in the online list - but now, when you can't feel your head or anything inside it, this person is a god-sent!

So I got my very own locker today. Yes well most people here have had lockers in high-school - they realize it's usefulness - but also don't think of it as a very big deal. And I, on the other hand, jumped when I saw the offer lying dormant in my inbox this morning. As I read the words, "Grad students need to contact XYZ for their LOCKERS...", I knew it then. I got a strong feeling pushing me to XYZ's office. It was the kind of strong feeling I get at crucial moments in my life, the feeling that I call God. Yes, yes - dramatic I am - thanks to my mother :) But its true - I got that special feeling and I went - and guess what - I got the one last locker that was left for Grad students! I felt so lucky and proud for listening to my strong feeling!

The point is - I have a locker! Of course it is dirty, it is on the bottom row and opening the damn thing is next only to rocket science - yet, I own it - at least for the next 10 months! And it is free! FREE OF COST! What a wonderful thing! Just like the donut I had in my Spanish class today! Yes! La profesora got us boxes full of donuts! So sweet - both la profesora y donuts! But the donuts are really cheap - and the profesora is giving us a test tomorrow - which is one of the causes of my horrible headache and reasons for my procrastinating post - so profesora is mean (not really) - but I love her non-funny jokes about her own life! She reminds me of me minus the humour!

Here's a lemoade toast to today - oh I also got two free books! Can you imagine! Two books and a locker - all free - all in one single day! One is my friend's own book and he gave me an autographed copy - this after my obvious email asking him how I can "get" a copy - and his reply with the amazon link to the book!! :( !! So his book is based on his personal experiences of schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder - definitely not on my holiday reading list! The other book is a cool practical guide with film equipment renting, film processing and location advertisements from all over US.

Okay so I'm feeling better now - after a badly made lemonade, some gossip and giggles with my friend V (our nightly ritual - as we wait for our free bus ride home) and the recurrence of the word "free" today. What is it with desis and free stuff! :-/

A quick update

Suffering from insomnia at 4am.
Class tomorrow from 10 to 10.
Spanish test and script assignment due day after.
Meeting about work, and study group meeting the day after that.
Sis arrives on Sunday.
Major cleaning up of house, laundry and self on Saturday!